I am backkk!!!!!!

Hello devoted followers,
i am back (thank God)> i will be blogging more often.
thank you to all those who have not unfollowed my blog!!!!! God bless you!!
come back soon xxx

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Dear Life

Dear Life,

I Got The Lemons You Sent Me. I’m Sitting Here, Wondering What I should Do With Them Because They Are The Most Sour Lemons I Have Ever Tasted. Yes, I Did Taste Them. Food Is Meant To Be Eaten, Right? The Unfortunate Thing Is The Sour Taste Still Lingers In My Mouth.

Well, Should I Make Lemonade? But Where Will I Get Sugar So Sweet That The Sour Taste Is Nothing But A Mild AfterTaste? Does It Even Exist? Or Maybe I Should Make Mango Juice, Sit Back And Let Everyone Wonder How I Did It? What I Am Trying To Say Is, This Is The Worst You Have Ever Served Me. What Did I Ever Do To Deserve This? Is My Mere Existence An Insult To You? Pardon My Rudeness, I Just Don’t Understand How You Operate At Times. Its Like You See Me Sitting Alone, Enjoying An Orange So Sweet That I forget Lemons Exist And You Think To Yourself
”This Is Not How Its Supposed To Be, She Can’t Forget That Lemons Exist! After All, There Are Two Sides To a Coin”
I Know And Fully Understand That We Are All Bound To Receive This Basket Of SOUR LEMONS At One Point Or Another But Couldn’t You Delay Delivering Mine For Let’s Say, 60 Years Or Something?

Right Now, I’m Thinking Of Ways I Can Get Rid Of This Foul Taste But Everyone Is Telling Me That With Time, I Will Learn To Live With It. Really? How Can I Live With Something That On Certain Days Keeps Me Confined To My Bedroom, Crying And Asking The Angels To Come And Take Me Away To The Place Where The Sun Shines On and On and On…

I Have Met People Who Have Told Me That The Sour Taste Never Goes Away, That I’ll wake Up On Certain Days And Its Like I Just Tasted The Lemons A Few Minutes Ago And On Some Days I’ll Will Be Like “Okay, It Happened But Life Has To Go On”.

Life, See What You’ve Done? I’m About To Become Bipolar.

Oh Well, I Know You Won’t Come And Take Them Back So I Guess — Its Time For Me To Make Some Lemonade And I Know Where I will Find Sugar That Will Kill The Sour Taste 🙂 His Name Is Jesus Christ!

Sincerely Angry At You,
Nelly Or Just Call Me SweetLemon.

A Few Words

I have avoided blogging because I do not want to overwhelm my readers with my pain and sorrow. I decided I’ll only get back to blogging when I feel a little bit of some life return into me.
I am sleeping in my room alone tonight, for the first time in 18 years and I have just been hit by this emptiness and this realization that my baby sister is really dead and never coming back.
I have been a bit strong these past days since we put her to rest mainly because a lot of our extended family members are still with us but yesterday I went to church and I broke down. I always went with her even though we rarely sat together. She always sat in the left row and I kept looking there thinking I’ll find her looking at me or whispering something to her friend but the faces that looked back at me were foreign and it was then that the tears poured out of me like rain after a dry storm. I went out to the bathrooms and cried, my heart literally hurt and I felt like pulling it out of my chest. I went back into church but instead of praying, I cried through the worship session. After that, I decided to leave because I wasn’t going to sit there and pretend I was happy when I wasn’t.
Its been hard, getting used to life without her,being the only girl, having no one to talk to. I wonder if I will ever heal! Will I heal or will I just ignore my feelings like I always do?? I have pushed so many people away in this period, some deserved it and some-i don’t know. I have NO reason for letting some people go, maybe am even being unfair but I feel its the only thing I can do about some ‘friendships’.
I hadn’t written since she got sick and now that she’s dead, I don’t want to write at all. For now, anyway. By ‘write’ I mean poetry. I can’t just put my feelings on paper yet. It still hurts and it always will but I know with time I’ll learn to live with the pain; then I will pour out my bruised heart onto a paper for the world to read and criticize.

On a brighter note, I know Noreen is with The Lord Jesus Christ. She lived for Him and she died in Him. I know she’s okay and one day by His grace, I will see her again. Oh how I can’t wait to be able to hug her and see her smile again. 🙂 I just pray for Strength and courage for the many times I will be overwhelmed by emotions.

Through this all, I have learnt that death is a part of being human and one day we shall all die- whether we like it or not! Apart from that, I have learnt so much about friendship, life, family, love, death, God, myself and christianity. My sister taught me more in her death than she did when she was alive, over 10 people turned to God after hearing about her life.. My sister is My Heroine. I have never met or known anybody who has displayed such courage as she did when she was sick and even in dying. She never let her sickness cause her to lose faith in God instead she held on that much tighter to HIM even as she died. I loved her. I love her and NO ONE will ever take her place.

Dear Sister, Rest In Peace

Nelly and Noreen back when we were young

Nelly and Noreen back when we were young

Am short of words because I still can’t
believe you’re gone. I watched as you
were lowered in the ground and I
refused to believe I would never get to
see you again except on photo’s!
Am sitting here wondering just where
I will start from… Am surrounded by
emptiness. All alone in this empty
bedroom. This is too much wardrobe
space..all this bed space..that shoe
rack..that dressing table…
I don’t know what’s happening love.
You can’t be gone. They tell me to
accept you’re gone but how do I live
without you after 18 years of living
with you??
I miss you already!!
I now don’t have a sister. All alone.
Nobody to tell about the hustle of
being in love, nobody to ask how I look
before I head out, nobody to tease,
nobody to entertain with my crazy
behavior, nobody to watch ‘master
chef’ with. Nobody to tell my future
plans…so many dreams left
unfulfilled. We were supposed to grow
up and get married and have
thanksgiving dinners together but all
that will never be. How could you go
before I wrote that poem you had been
asking me to write for months? Can I
go back and just have one more day
with you so I can see you laugh, smile
and tell about how your day was? Can
I have that?
Sis..my one and only Kaluba (little
flower), rest in peace my honey. I will
miss you sooooo much esp that I was
closest to you. I will miss our friday
nights in watching criminal minds,
ugly betty, house. So many little things
I will miss. My artist, my painter, my
bridesmaid, my lawyer, my sister, my
friend…rest in peace! Watch over us!!
Love you!!

Noreen Kaluba Nunu Katebe (16th May, 1993 – 30th January, 2012)

last photo we took together on new years eve, 2011.

last photo we took together on new years eve, 2011.

My A to Z list

A. Make a list of 5 things that are
in reach.
My Purse, my headsets, a tube of face cream, my headband

B. What is your favourite
holiday?
Easter.

C. What is your fashion style?
Urban

D. What’s your occupation?
In the process of looking for a job

E. What do you hear right now?
The television in the sitting room

F. Who was the last person you
hugged?
I can’t remember

G. What random song just
popped in your head now?
Solution-Hillsong

H. What did you do today?
Its just 9a.m

I. What was the last text message
you received?
From Kiwis,asking how I am.

J. What websites do you always
visit when you go online?
Twitter, facebook, wordpress,tumblr,the nervous breakdown, the single woman

K. What is your next big planned
purchase?
I don’t know yet…maybe a book by Paulo Coelho

L. If you could afford to go
anywhere in the world, where
would you go?
Bali

M. Where do you see yourself in
5 years?
Pursuing a degree in journalism

N. Where’s your tattoo/Where
would you like a tattoo?
Somewhere on my body…

O. What are you doing this
weekend?
Not sure yet

P. If you could play any musical
instrument, which one would
you play?
Guitar

Q. What’s the one thing you need
the most now?
For my sister to recover and come back home..

R. Are you a creeper?
What’s a creeper?

S. What is your dream job?
To work as a columnist

T. What’s the last good movie you
saw?
I don’t watch movies a lot but the last good tv series I saw was Castle Season One

U. What’s your favourite quote?
‘Attitude determines altitude’

V. What is your favourite colour?
White and bright colors

W. Give us three styling tips that
always work for you:
Am not really into fashion…

X. Coffee or tea?
Coffee

Y. What do you love to do when it
is drizzling?
Watch tv or read or sleep

Z. What inspires you?
Life

Life Right Now

Its been a week
Of me, seeing the one I love
Weak
In a state of helplessness
Watching her wither away
Like a dry flower
On a hot day
Watching her struggle to do
The things she’s been doing all her life
Watching her detest the food she
Once savored
How do things change in a split second?
One minute you’re laughing,
The next
You’re holding back a dam of tears
‘Don’t cry’
Am told
‘You need to be strong’
‘I’m trying’
I say
‘I really am’

Pillows flooded with tears
And inaudible conversations
Fighting to have faith
To believe everything happens for
A reason
But why is this happening?
Tell me why?

Life is weird
One minute
Reality is where I am
The next
Its like am dreaming
Hearing words I never thought
I would ever hear
Spending every waking hour
Wondering
Asking questions
Waking up
And expecting the worst

On my knees
My face wet with tears
Eyes looking up to heaven
Saying nothing at all
But I know God knows
And he hears
He never sleeps
It is well.
My God is Mighty to save

*** get well to my one and only young Sister who is Sick right now and will be going for an operation on tuesday ** please pray for her!! 😦

Music

This is a poem that my friend Joseph and collaborated on last year!

Nelly:

The summer breeze
Reminds me of the music in my soul
Warm, quiet and flowing with ease
A sweet sound that leaves my ears
yearning for more
It is my haven on a blue day
Invigorating my spirit, body and mind
Keeping the world at bay
And going on an adventure with me to the other side

Joseph:

My soul is led on to another place
where
the sun keeps shining when all around
me are heavy clouds
My secret escape, free for all yet free
from all,
Butterflies rocking my stomach each
time,
My lonely heart within the moment is
filled with the warmth of
companionship
I can’t help but be glad that I’ve been
kissed by the sweet, tender and
magical
lips of music

Nelly:

I am captivated by the rhythm
In love with its purity
In music i find an identity without
shame
And in it i am relieved of my insanity
i speak my heart in its lyrics
live my life in step with the beat
it lifts me up with its sopranos and lets
me down easy with its bass

Joseph:

Rhythm and pure sweet melody are
the
color of beautiful life,
that only the eyes of my ears can see,
my heart sighs and can feel all,
like tiny bits of sandy grain at the
beach,
each note makes the scenery beautiful,
reminding me to forget all the sorrow
that this world can boast of,
Even in light of the deepest darkness,
music makes my heart see all that can
be
and is well,
oh what a blissful thought,
that all can be well despite the pain
and
hurt,
all i can be is grateful that i had a
chance
to listen to the melody one more time.