Dear Life

Dear Life,

I Got The Lemons You Sent Me. I’m Sitting Here, Wondering What I should Do With Them Because They Are The Most Sour Lemons I Have Ever Tasted. Yes, I Did Taste Them. Food Is Meant To Be Eaten, Right? The Unfortunate Thing Is The Sour Taste Still Lingers In My Mouth.

Well, Should I Make Lemonade? But Where Will I Get Sugar So Sweet That The Sour Taste Is Nothing But A Mild AfterTaste? Does It Even Exist? Or Maybe I Should Make Mango Juice, Sit Back And Let Everyone Wonder How I Did It? What I Am Trying To Say Is, This Is The Worst You Have Ever Served Me. What Did I Ever Do To Deserve This? Is My Mere Existence An Insult To You? Pardon My Rudeness, I Just Don’t Understand How You Operate At Times. Its Like You See Me Sitting Alone, Enjoying An Orange So Sweet That I forget Lemons Exist And You Think To Yourself
”This Is Not How Its Supposed To Be, She Can’t Forget That Lemons Exist! After All, There Are Two Sides To a Coin”
I Know And Fully Understand That We Are All Bound To Receive This Basket Of SOUR LEMONS At One Point Or Another But Couldn’t You Delay Delivering Mine For Let’s Say, 60 Years Or Something?

Right Now, I’m Thinking Of Ways I Can Get Rid Of This Foul Taste But Everyone Is Telling Me That With Time, I Will Learn To Live With It. Really? How Can I Live With Something That On Certain Days Keeps Me Confined To My Bedroom, Crying And Asking The Angels To Come And Take Me Away To The Place Where The Sun Shines On and On and On…

I Have Met People Who Have Told Me That The Sour Taste Never Goes Away, That I’ll wake Up On Certain Days And Its Like I Just Tasted The Lemons A Few Minutes Ago And On Some Days I’ll Will Be Like “Okay, It Happened But Life Has To Go On”.

Life, See What You’ve Done? I’m About To Become Bipolar.

Oh Well, I Know You Won’t Come And Take Them Back So I Guess — Its Time For Me To Make Some Lemonade And I Know Where I will Find Sugar That Will Kill The Sour Taste 🙂 His Name Is Jesus Christ!

Sincerely Angry At You,
Nelly Or Just Call Me SweetLemon.

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A Few Words

I have avoided blogging because I do not want to overwhelm my readers with my pain and sorrow. I decided I’ll only get back to blogging when I feel a little bit of some life return into me.
I am sleeping in my room alone tonight, for the first time in 18 years and I have just been hit by this emptiness and this realization that my baby sister is really dead and never coming back.
I have been a bit strong these past days since we put her to rest mainly because a lot of our extended family members are still with us but yesterday I went to church and I broke down. I always went with her even though we rarely sat together. She always sat in the left row and I kept looking there thinking I’ll find her looking at me or whispering something to her friend but the faces that looked back at me were foreign and it was then that the tears poured out of me like rain after a dry storm. I went out to the bathrooms and cried, my heart literally hurt and I felt like pulling it out of my chest. I went back into church but instead of praying, I cried through the worship session. After that, I decided to leave because I wasn’t going to sit there and pretend I was happy when I wasn’t.
Its been hard, getting used to life without her,being the only girl, having no one to talk to. I wonder if I will ever heal! Will I heal or will I just ignore my feelings like I always do?? I have pushed so many people away in this period, some deserved it and some-i don’t know. I have NO reason for letting some people go, maybe am even being unfair but I feel its the only thing I can do about some ‘friendships’.
I hadn’t written since she got sick and now that she’s dead, I don’t want to write at all. For now, anyway. By ‘write’ I mean poetry. I can’t just put my feelings on paper yet. It still hurts and it always will but I know with time I’ll learn to live with the pain; then I will pour out my bruised heart onto a paper for the world to read and criticize.

On a brighter note, I know Noreen is with The Lord Jesus Christ. She lived for Him and she died in Him. I know she’s okay and one day by His grace, I will see her again. Oh how I can’t wait to be able to hug her and see her smile again. 🙂 I just pray for Strength and courage for the many times I will be overwhelmed by emotions.

Through this all, I have learnt that death is a part of being human and one day we shall all die- whether we like it or not! Apart from that, I have learnt so much about friendship, life, family, love, death, God, myself and christianity. My sister taught me more in her death than she did when she was alive, over 10 people turned to God after hearing about her life.. My sister is My Heroine. I have never met or known anybody who has displayed such courage as she did when she was sick and even in dying. She never let her sickness cause her to lose faith in God instead she held on that much tighter to HIM even as she died. I loved her. I love her and NO ONE will ever take her place.

My A to Z list

A. Make a list of 5 things that are
in reach.
My Purse, my headsets, a tube of face cream, my headband

B. What is your favourite
holiday?
Easter.

C. What is your fashion style?
Urban

D. What’s your occupation?
In the process of looking for a job

E. What do you hear right now?
The television in the sitting room

F. Who was the last person you
hugged?
I can’t remember

G. What random song just
popped in your head now?
Solution-Hillsong

H. What did you do today?
Its just 9a.m

I. What was the last text message
you received?
From Kiwis,asking how I am.

J. What websites do you always
visit when you go online?
Twitter, facebook, wordpress,tumblr,the nervous breakdown, the single woman

K. What is your next big planned
purchase?
I don’t know yet…maybe a book by Paulo Coelho

L. If you could afford to go
anywhere in the world, where
would you go?
Bali

M. Where do you see yourself in
5 years?
Pursuing a degree in journalism

N. Where’s your tattoo/Where
would you like a tattoo?
Somewhere on my body…

O. What are you doing this
weekend?
Not sure yet

P. If you could play any musical
instrument, which one would
you play?
Guitar

Q. What’s the one thing you need
the most now?
For my sister to recover and come back home..

R. Are you a creeper?
What’s a creeper?

S. What is your dream job?
To work as a columnist

T. What’s the last good movie you
saw?
I don’t watch movies a lot but the last good tv series I saw was Castle Season One

U. What’s your favourite quote?
‘Attitude determines altitude’

V. What is your favourite colour?
White and bright colors

W. Give us three styling tips that
always work for you:
Am not really into fashion…

X. Coffee or tea?
Coffee

Y. What do you love to do when it
is drizzling?
Watch tv or read or sleep

Z. What inspires you?
Life

Writer’s Block

Firstly…

WHAT IS WRITER’S BLOCK?

Dictionary.com describes writers block
as ‘a TEMPORARY condition in which a
writer finds it impossible to proceed
with the writing of a novel, play or
other work’.

From that definition, i understand that
writers block is temporary and in my
world, ‘temporary = less than a
month’. It should not last longer than
that. Period.

From my angle, i would describe
writers block as ‘a period of time that
ranges from 1 hour to 1 month in
which a writer feels lazy to write’. In
my understanding,writers write. It
doesn’t matter what. If you are a
writer,you have to write. In the same
way, if you are a teacher,you have to
teach.

Why 1 hour?
I personally set aside at most 1 hour
everyday to write. Doesn’t matter
what. I just know that during that
hour, i have to write something even if
its lyrics to a song that i like.

CAUSES of Writers block

1. Lack of inspiration- i don’t agree. As
a writer,i believe i can derive
inspiration from anything. From that
boring sunday i lay around doing
nothing to that moment i hear birds
singing, rain on my window and
everything seems to be in sync.

2. Distraction-choosing to write at time
you are supposed to be doing
something else. You might succeed at
first but along the way,something has
to give and i’m guessing it’s the
writing. In so doing,you might lose
sight of the big picture of what you’re
writing and if that happens then
everything goes KABOOM…

3. Feeling paralyzed by previous
success-it’s kind of expected of human
beings to exist in a state of
progression. If you write a good piece
today,you are expected to write a
better piece the next day. I have to
admit, i have experienced this
sometimes. I would write something
that i feel is the best i can ever write
and so this keeps me from writing
something new for fear of failing but i
know i’m not there yet and so i try and
try and i am still trying.

4. Physical illness- this is
understandable.

5. End of a relationship- this shouldn’t
cause one to deflect from their passion
as writing is and can be a release for
all that pain you are keeping closed in.
In fact, talking about it helps you heal
that much faster.

6. Financial pressures.

7. Depression-maybe this can pass off
as a legit cause but it depends on how
severe the depression is. If all your
life’s work is in some way
damaged,lets say in a fire then
YES,you have every right to be
depressed.

8. Sometimes writers feel what they
are writing seems to be beyond their
ability. I’ll tell you what i always tell
myself; ‘it’s all in the mind’. Have the
right approach towards life.

Remedy -write! If you fail just keep
trying.

Beauty And The Beast ( It Must Have Been True Love)

Beauty and the Beast has been my favorite fairy tale from time immemorial. At first it was because I saw myself in Belle (somehow), she loved reading and she never quite fit in. That’s how I feel sometimes, not that I am complaining; no!! I love it because I love being different 🙂

I am sure we have all watched or read this wonderful story. As I have grown up and watched it over and over again, I have noticed something that never caught my attention before. BEAUTY FELL IN LOVE WITH A BEAST!! That little fact made me love it even more because it showed something that society is clearly lacking. Loving someone for who they are. I believe love has to go beyond looks though I am not disputing the fact that this is easier said than done. Our society is so centered on outward beauty that people are dying in the process of seeking perfection (like that can be attained). We have people committing suicide because they think or have been told they are not beautiful. This needs and has to come to an end.

I am reminded of a show I recently started watching and this is, Dating In The Dark. Basically, two people get to know each other in the dark (they never see how the other looks till the final day). The funny thing is, I have seen people hit it off whilst in the dark room; they would get along well and always have something to talk about but the moment the lights come on, they walk away claiming the other person is not their type. It makes me wonder, is love about looks or personality?

However, we should not be guilted into dating someone we are not physically attracted to! Remember, if someone doesn’t want you, it doesn’t mean someone else won’t! There are 7 billion people in the world, there surely has got to be somebody for everyone!!

On that note, I conclude by saying: make somebdy feel beautiful today! 🙂

Happiness, Love and Beauty

I have been told, I have to create my own happiness
Before
I can make somebody else happy
I have been told I have to love myself
Before I can love somebody else
Or let somebody else love me
I have been told I have to believe I am beautiful
Before
I believe it when somebody else tells me

I am happy
I love myself
I am beautiful

Happiness baffles me
I choose to be happy
Laugh more
Enjoy life more
Take a few risks
Write some more
Maybe deviate a little from my style
Explore other ventures
Accept the place I am in
Be grateful for I am blessed
Not lucky
And it works
For days
I can’t stop laughing
Life is great
I enjoy what am writing
Personalize the place I am in
I am more blessed
Then I hear a knock on my door
*knock* *knock* *knock*
I get no reply when I ask who it is
So I open the day
Maybe the person is shy
But sadness creeps in
And happiness leaves through the back door
Its like I woke up
And am surrounded by weeping
I must be at a funeral!
How did things change so fast?

Love intrigues me
Is it an emotion?
An action?
A thought?
A myth?
A fantasy?
Whatever it is
I love myself
Completely and truly
With no room for leakage
I feel my love for me
My actions towards me symbolize how much I care
I feel it when I think of me
if you say you love me
I will not question you
Maybe I will
Maybe I won’t
But I will believe you
Its hard to explain love
I guess that makes it
An emotion

The thing about beauty is
It fades
Its not perfect
There’s always something amiss
A big nose
Small eyes
Little hands
Long feet
Short hair
In short
Outer beauty is vanity
Inner beauty is forever
I have accepted me
For better and
For worse
In sickness
And in health
For richer
And for poor
Till the day I die a natural death
Poverty won’t make me think less of myself
Sickness is a common denominator amongst us all
So getting sick won’t make me kill myself
I am more than just a pretty face
Adorned with makeup
I am more than just a body
Dressed up in clothes

I am a human being
In pursuit of happiness
Which is found in loving yourself first
And
Enhanced by you accepting yourself
With your imperfections

Gratitude

I went to church today for our weekly youth meeting which I rarely attend. It was awesome and I had a great time. The preaching was from Matthew 9:20-22 which talks of the woman who had a bleeding problem and was healed after she touched the hem of Jesus’ cloak. The Pastor encouraged us to have faith and be courageous like that woman who despite the crowd that surrounded Jesus;still fought to touch him and be healed.

However,the highlight of today was when an altar call was made for everyone who was having financial trouble where school fee’s where concerned and was seeking a break through. So many people went to the front, I was moved because sometimes I forget how blessed I am. I mean, maybe we all do but today reminded me that some things that come easily to me are a struggle for other people. So, I thanked God even for the little things like my being able to afford shoes whilst other people walk around bare foot.
We are blessed to bless!!

I hope we can all cultivate a spirit of gratitude in our lives lest we wake up and everything is gone.

Food For Thought : If you could only have today, what you thanked God for Yesterday then what would you have?